Thursday, August 7, 2014

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


Remakes are getting made all the time and sometimes you have to ask, why?  Some writers or producers want to keep things alive and present them to a new generation just to bring that love back into the culture.  I do not believe there has been a remake that has startled everyone as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles did when it was announced.  No one wanted to see a Michael Bay version of their childhood as they have already seen before.  More importantly the phrase that came from this was people didn't want "their childhood ruined."  The heroes in half-shells were iconic in their cartoons and reached even higher with movies that every child loved.  Well now we have a two-fisted movie - We are introducing a new generation to a new form of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and we are ruining our childhood at the same time.  

This review will seem bias to my childhood, but I stepped outside of my childhood self to give this movie a chance - it did not bode well.  The origin story for the TMNT has been altered and it is no longer the ooze from an accident, rather it is an experiment for an eventual villain who needs the turtles blood.  If you are new to the turtles then you will enjoy this origin story and kids will want all of their pets to be mutants.  Shredder is more of a Transformer than anything else.  I could not tell when one part of his armor started and another ended, but when I almost figured it out, more items and blades came out of nowhere.  The (spoiler free) climax happens when the poison that is about to take over the city is actually placed on top of the science building. 

Let's take a minute to think of the originality of using the top of your building to try and infect a city.  It is overplayed and unoriginal.  

The acting in this film is nearly unbearable.  Megan Fox delivers the worst performance she has ever given.  I want to watch Jennifer's Body after watching this movie.  She does not portray a graduated journalist and she cannot deliver a line without sounding like a stereotypical high school blonde.  Will Arnett needed to have more lines because he did the impossible - he made Megan Fox enjoyable when she was with this comedic counterpart.  The choice to use known actors for the voices of some of the CGI characters was a bad idea.  You spend time figuring out who it is instead of enjoying the character.

I saw this in an early screening and was alone in the theater.  When you encounter a film that you cannot find bearable, some might find it enjoyable and you should still be respectful.  Leave or sit and be alone in the theater. 

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